Yarfing all over the blog again to prevent me using something as a projectile that I shouldn’t. Screen readers, wanna skip it? H to jump to the next heading is your happyfriend, sighties, use those mice like they were intended.
I have officially hit the point where “I can’t fucking take it any fucking more,” writes, publishes, and sells the book on exactly how I feel right now. You, person, can sit there and lah lah lah, I’m nooooot liiiiiiistening, while I complain for months and months and months, on end, about mold. Filth. Dirty living conditions. Disrespectful treatment of my family. Ok, maybe sometimes my mother deserves it. But my grandmother didn’t deserve to have a spray bottle yanked out of her hand last year, nor did she deserve to be screamed and yelled at by the student who was my roommate at that time.
Nobody deserves to be ignored when your job is to help them. Nobody deserves to sit there in the middle of February, freezing their tits off in the middle of the night, while you sleep at home in your nice cozy warm bed. Why was I freezing in the middle of the night in mid February? Because the mold smell in my room was so awful that I had to keep the window open 24/7 just so I didn’t throw up! But as long as you’re happy, nobody else has to be happy, right? Obviously, that’s how certain people think. I’m not saying anymore here, because I fear for my personal safety and mental health. I honestly thought briefly about checkin’ myself into a hospital and gettin’ some downers shoved down my face. Only reason I didn’t do it was because it’d get people involved who didn’t need to be involved and hopefully won’t need to. I’m sick of discrimination. I’m sick of favoritism. I’m sick of ass-covering, and I’m sick of people simply NOT DOING THEIR BLOODY JOBS! No. I can’t take it anymore. We thank Shane for not allowing me alcohol this evening because if I had my choice, I’d go get stupidly drunk, induce alcohol poisoning because I have no tolerance, and end myself up in the hospital. We also thank my friend Minh for allowing me to crash on her spare bed. We don’t thank certain officials for putting me in a precarious position. I lived in a precarious position all summer long. I didn’t really wanna have to live in a mentally unhealthy unstable environment for the rest of my life. Thanks, people, you’ve ruined me.
But no, you don’t care. Of course you don’t care. Especially certain individuals who can sit on their couch and eat ice cream while a blind student lives in an unhealthy, unsafe environment, and the people who are supposed to help her aren’t doing anything about it. You had plenty of opportunities. Is it simply the fact that you hate me because I needed your help? Do you not like your job? Are you that unhappy in your career that you won’t help someone who’s getting urinary tract infections because her roommate’s living habits are causing them? I believe you are. And I will be bringing that up at my earliest opportunity. You had all the opportunity in the world last year to prove you were on my side. Obviously, you weren’t. That, is called favoritism. You let someone else make me sick while you plugged your ears, turned away from me, and pretended I didn’t exist! You didn’t care! And now that someone called you out on it, all of a sudden, you want me as far out of your face as you can get me. Because to you, as long as it looks like you’re doing your job on the books, and you’re getting paid for it, it doesn’t matter what you’re doing or how other people feel.
Oh god no. This place? Care? About their disabled students? Oh, I’m sorry, that’s too much work. You might have to pay someone to breathe instead of filling the positions with robots who are preprogrammed for only certain functions. I…dude…I’m simply at the point where I’m done giving a shit. The simple fact is that nobody cares. Nobody wants to help. It’s too much work. I’m too much work. if you couldn’t help me, who was supposed to? You were supposed to be the person who walked in and told her, “Enough is enough!” But you didn’t. You failed me. You failed me once and now you’re failing me again. My opinion of you is that you’re a malicious, malevolent and disgraceful human being who doesn’t actually care about his/her job. And you know what? I’m entitled to that opinion. I’m entitled to sit in this train station and write down what I think of you, because surely it’s better than drinking myself to death and ending up in the hospital.
I shouldn’t actively be thinking about getting drunk. Alcoholism runs in my family. My grandfather still struggles with it. I also shouldn’t be contemplating ways to sleep outside safely tonight because my friend’s building manager isn’t thrilled with me crashing with her. I can’t go home. I can’t go home because if I go home I’m going to end up locked in a mental institution because my mother is of the opinion that I belong in a group home or something or under her legal guardianship, which obviously I don’t.
I also thought I’d let ya know that I’ll be doing a mass cleanup of my social media the minute I hit a place where I have net access, as the MBTA car I’m currently sitting in…well…there wifi works about as well as my eyes. Which is to say, um, how bout not at all? things, are leaking. Things, are leaking, that should not, be leaking. And I’m gonna plug that leak if it’s the last damn thing I do on this earth. Noone. Has any right. To be digging into my locked shit, nor does anyone have the right to tell me that I should kill myself.
Yes, it happened. Someone told me I should end my life. Not a joke. I’m still breathing, I’m sitting in this car next to Shane right now because a frigging cat saved my life in 2003. Yes, you heard me, I said it publicly. Someone who will remain nameless told me I should kill myself. then, that same human being told me I should pretty much be locked away in a mental institution. Is that what people want? Would it make everyone happier if I just ended my life or got put away somewhere so I could never be a bother to anyone again? I know there are certain individuals who would be happier that way and the only reason they don’t get what they want, well, he’s sitting to my right, if you must know. Yeah, you saw that. I said it here. The reason I won’t end my otherwise miserable existence is because someone got through to my hard ass head that I was actually worth a shit.
I may have never met you in person, but I consider myself a friend, and I certainly do not like how certain people working at a certain facility have been treating you. I do not believe you should just let this pass unnoticed. Clearly they want to make you miserable for whatever reason, and that is just unacceptable! I’d say find some news media contacts in that area and get the story out there on local news, and in local online papers and such! If I were closer, I’d even do stuff in person, but as I’m way out west, I can only hope they will get their ass handed to them! Making you live like that and then doing what they’ve done to you lately? Yeah they need to be put on the spot!
The comments here are…interesting for sure. I don’t know if you have tried to talk to the director of housing at your school. I do understand difficulties with staff at school; they had problems with other disabilities, not primarily the blindness. Some staff didn’t start listening until I said I was leaving, and others chose not to listen. So…if you have tried to talk to directors/administrators and haven’t seen results, I understand the frustration. It’s so stressful not to know where you’ll be living; I’m in that position as well. I don’t know the whole situation, so I can’t really comment on what’s fair and what’s not, but I’m just wondering: Is anything illegal going on? Could you get advocacy involved if your school is doing anything that violates the ADA and if you have tried self-advocacy? ? As for finding a place to live on such short notice, could you talk to your city department of human services? It is a difficult situation when you speak up and are not heard, and as a result, you’re not able to receive what you need. It’s a good thing Shane is helping to make sure you stay safe!…thank God for him!
Exactly. that was their attitude all last year. fuck that Krista girl, let her fucking freeze to death. The workstudy chick is a freshman an smarter than her and better than her anyway. Instead of actually dealing with the health and safety violations, which were innumerable, we’ll just sit here and scratch our asses and not do our jobs. She’s blind, so she can’t possibly be of use to anyone. So for 6 weeks, Fitchburg State University’s housing department let me freeze last year because someone who worked for them had a nasty moldy fridge and I couldn’t deal with the smell. then it came back. And I got a urinary tract infection during finals week in May!
That’s total bullshit Krista. I’m blind too and no one has ever treated me that way. The only way anyone would treat you in such a manner, Krista, is with a reason. That reason is that you bitch and whine like a five year old nonstop every waking hour of your existence. If I were in your situation, if my building director ignored me, I would not have been concerned for more than a second. I would go right to the director of housing and voice my concerns in a mature, adult manner, something you seem to be incapable of. I guarantee you I would be listened to at any school.
Your constant bitching causes you to never be taken seriously, as does your opinion that you are above the rules. Your building director was doing her job. Her job is to follow the rules, which doubtless state that guests cannot stay for more than a few days. It doesn’t matter hat happened last year. That is your fault. You obviously didn’t handle it right, and you didn’t handle the Shane situation right either. So now your are paying for your stupidity and immaturity.
Anyone who supports you in this matter is an idiot. Anyone with half a brain and who doesn’t have the “OMG blind people are discriminated against all the time” attitude knows of your faults. As a blind person, I have never faced major discrimination. Blind people aren’t discriminated against. Bitchy, ungrateful blind people with a chip on their shoulder are.
Krista…Excellent post, and to the person who suggested you kill yourself, or that you’re not worth anything…They obviously don’t know you, and they fail at life. Yeah, we had our small rocky patch, but over the last…Nearly two years, you’ve become a very good friend, and someone I’ve come to care about. Frankly, I’d do anything for ya that I could. Do they have the right to enforce a building policy on Shane, if it is in fact one? Certainly…however, what they CANNOT do, or at least shouldn’t do, is play favorites and decide “Okay…We’ll let person A get away with this and that…But…That Krista girl? Nah; fuck her…Let her freeze to death, and oh, while we’re at it, let’s treat her boyfriend like shit.” Not cool, and they should be called on the carpet for it. I understand if you can’t answer here, but what’s their reasoning for kicking you out? What are the facts against you? Or, rather, the fabrications they’ve come up with? I have an idea of what argument they’ll use, but won’t post it here…I’ll DM or email ya that one later.
Just know that yes, obviously, Shane cares a great deal, and so do those of us who are fortunate enough to have you as a friend. You’re one of a select few that I trust 100% without reservation.
Krista, I know this is hard as hell. Just know you have Shane, who obviously loves you…And you have friends, myself included, who care for you greatly. I know there’s not a damn thing I can do from 3,000 miles away other than be here for you to brain spew on if needed…And you know I’ll do that, and anything else I can…Well, as long as it doesn’t land me in jail. LOL. Best of luck fighting this thing. They treated Shane and you both like shit, even if there IS a policy in place that allowed them to give him a time limit on how long he can be there. I doubt there’s a policy in place, unless FSU’s now a prison camp, that allows them to treat you like a tirhd-world refugee as they’ve done. It’s sickening.
Wes, do you give a shit about Krista’s roommate’s feelings? How would you like it if some stranger of the opposite sex was invading your personal space for a month? Cut the poor blindy attitude, it’s disgusting! Every school has rules regarding guests. Blindness doesn’t make you above them.
I’m certainly willing to listen to what you have to say and help you find resources–if you want them, that is. You know how to reach me!…and I will definitely continue to follow this thread.
Like Wes, I can’t do anything from over 2,500 miles to the west of the situation, but I fully understand why Krista’s frustrated, as well she should be! No matter what rules may exist, she doesn’t deserve to be treated the way she has, and neither does Shane. I have no doubt Krista made every attempt to try and get the people that needed to listen to do so, but when no results came forth, she made it clear, as she should have, that things were not getting done. This especially holds true during last year’s issues with her old roomate. I would be interested to know if any other blind students are attending Fitchburg State University, and if so, how are they or how have they been treated?
Neither Krista, nor Shane has been violent toward anyone at FSU, so why are they being treated so awfully? And with that, I again want to remind them I’m here to talk if you need to. Our friend bob may not like us being in support of Krista and Shane, but, we have the right to our thoughts. I dare the building director or anyone at Fitchburg State for that matter, to comment on this and tell us all what did Krista or Shane do that makes them want to treat both of them like criminals?
I agree, in part, with the last comment. It would only be fair to hear FSU’s side of the story. What do they say happened, and how did Krista and Shane approach staff? What was the specific thing that prompted the latest decision? Then we might be better able to comment on what went right and wrong, who did what, and how it was handled. Without all of that information, people with strong opinions on both sides are out of line. Maybe Krista conducts things respectfully and formally when she’s dealing with these people. If not, maybe the school’s decision is justified. And if Krista has tried to communicate appropriately, maybe those of us who care about her and Shane can make suggestions for where to go next. However, if stuff hasn’t been handled respectfully or has been hostile/antagonistic, she/they need to live with the consequences of choices. I am extremely worried about safety, since they’re having trouble finding places to live. I’m in the same situation, but for a different reason. Some of you know all about that. It is incredibly stressful not to know where you’re going to live! So…while I don’t know what happened at school, I do understand the intense anxiety that comes along with not knowing where one will be safe.
That’s the kind of information I was looking for–thank you! I didn’t see the director’s information on the public timeline until after I read this blog post the first time. That was something I meant to add to my last post and I forgot…In my opinion, that was completely inappropriate. Even though that is public knowledge since the directory is available to the general public, the full name shouldn’t even have been introduced, and certainly not with the intent of sending Krista’s followers after her. The roommate definitely needed to be considered–after all, she was sharing space with Krista. No school would allow anyone to just hang out on campus for a month, and certainly not someone of the opposite sex. You make another interesting point–the grandparents. I’m not sure where they live in relation to Krista’s school. As far as I know, she hasn’t been expelled, so she will need to find housing in her area. If things happened as you say, I don’t blame the school administrators for making the choice they did. And you were right: I was looking at the whole thing, not just this specific situation. As I wrote in a previous comment, I understand what it is to have to leave school suddenly without having a place to live. The short version is that an accident prevents me from returning to school right now. They let me stay on campus for the rest of spring semester and through the summer, and I’m eternally grateful for that. I thought I would be ready to return this semester, but I decided, with the help of my doctors, that I’m not prepared for that. I had to leave school by a deadline, which makes perfect sense; I’m not attending the school anymore, so it was only right for me to leave housing. I’m staying with some friends until I get medical equipment I need and arrange a way to get me and my stuff to a different state. Our situations are vastly different, but I do understand the stress of not knowing where one is going to live. I care about Krista and Shane, so I want them to be safe, but I’m not going to do anything to influence stuff. We freely make choices and must endure the consequences…we shouldn’t be bailed out. I have empathy but not sympathy! And the fact that I do care about them means that I’m here and willing to help provide resources if help is genuinely desired. There is a difference between bailing people out and providing a resource, where they still have to take all the steps to get what they need. I think this will have to be a tough love sort of thing…they need to face the consequences of their choices, but I’m not turning my back on them as people, even though I don’t agree with the choices at all! I can only hope that this will lead to growth…meaning, that people start taking responsibility for their own choices!
i’m also here to help where ever i can. I’ve been following what you went through last year and was shocked by it all. To those who think they can just point fingers because they think they know what is right re read stuff a bit, or open that head of yours. last year does matter in this regard, especially with health issues and what not. If you ever need someone to talk too, or to help, somehow, you know how to reach me.
I didn’t really wanna beat this thread into the ground anymore than what it is, but I agree with you. It does matter. Last year’s issues do have bearing on this year because, well, where was this same person while I was in this position? why wasn’t anything being done? You’d think that something which was complained about since January would’ve been dealt with before May. What happened? Who was the cause of that sliding through the cracks? Whose job is it to make sure something disgusting like that doesn’t ever happen to anyone else again? When I looked into the situation over the summer to see how it was supposed to be dealt with, noone really wanted to take the blame for it. All I got was a bunch of, well, this person’s supposed to do that, that person’s supposed to do this, the other person’s supposed to do the other thing. It looked to me like everyone was either trying to blame everyone else, or noone actually knew whose job it was to, you know, make sure I could *breathe*.