the blog of a bear

this is where a bear will post stuff.

thought

cleveland, now a retired guide, May 19, 2012 to March 15, 2013.

by Leave a Comment

Hello all my readers;
Those of you that follow my
facebook
twitter
and
audioboo
will know that there were problems cropping up with my beloved guidedog cleveland, and it wasn’t getting better.
I tried everything short of screaming, gentle leader, strictly back to basics, etc.
His focus wasn’t there, and it got to a point where he started pulling really hard in harness to greet people, and I couldn’t keep his focus from outing to outing.
I called guidedogs for the blind February 19, 2013 and basically said I need help, I don’t know what to do, I’m absolutely stuck.
I tried reaching someone the day prior, but do to some holiday or another the office was closed.
I reached my FSR and we talked, including my mentioning maybe a possible reevaluation, and he said, OK, I can be up March 11, 2013 and we’ll see what we can do. Ok, *breathe* no need to panic, you can keep things rolling until someone can come up and see you. Later that day I received a second call from graduate services, and we talked more, and they indicate we can’t wait, we need to get cleveland back for reevaluation. So we put things in motion, and fast forward about a week.
Cleveland is picked up by a field manager from origon, and returns to campus.
I return to using a cane, *gasp* wait, can I still use the cane? Actually, I can!
I’m told I’ll get weekly updates, etc. At this point, it hits me like bricks, I lose it, what could I have done, and one of the guidedog lists I’m on bares the brunt of my ramblings, could I have done more, was I too hasty in returning him. The support from that point onward was absolutely amazing, the calls, the e-mails, just everything, all you on that list, you know who you are, you absolutely rock, thank you so very much.
Fast forward.
We get to the first weekly update. It’s not good, and the person passing along the update knows this. Everything I’ve reported, there seing it, including some things I missed or that didn’t start until his return. They have had no lluck fixing it. Nobody’s giving up yet, though, let’s give it another week, I’ll call you next week.
I hope, prey, and continue hoping, but in the back of my mind I have to prepare myself for that call that says he can’t continue working.
Fast forward to March 15, 2013.
The phone rings, I grab it.
It’s the person delivering reports on cleveland.
It’s been determined that Cleveland cannot continue working as my guide, they can’t refocus him, they need to retire him from active guide work.
I’m told the next steps, what happens now, and the call is ended.
From that point onward it’s been an immotional time for me, why did I even bother, I should have just bared the brunt of it, keeping cleveland working, etc. A couple of people who immediately stepped up after his retirement was announced, I’d like to give special thanks to, you know who you are, because of your experience with dogs, and immediately not asking any questions, called me or in person kept me going, I thank you so very much. Everyone here in Toronto, back in Ottawa, the guidedogs counselling department, other graduates, all of you have continued to support me and I do sincerely thank you.
There has been the question of will I return to GDB, or will I recommend them in the future?
If you’d asked me that last week, my answer would absolutely not be fit for this blog, I blamed them, I blamed me, I blamed cleveland’s raisers, I was hardist on myself for giving up on him.
But now? Me personally? I honestly think as a new handler, and this is just my personal opinion, so please remember this. I think the two weeks is a good idea, in theory, and maybe if I’d done more research, I could have known the questions to ask, but the two weeks as a new firsttime never seen walked with a guidedog in my life, handler? sort of two much. Would I do it again? If I got a call right now from them saying we have a dog for you, I’d seriously have to ask myself if I could do two weeks. With what I know now? I probably would. I’d know the questions to ask, what to look for, who’s ear to ramble off.
Recommend it to others? It all depended on your individual situation. Blankitly, I would, but as an alumni member of GDB, I’d have to ask you individually questions and give you a recommendation at that point.
Will I get another dog? It’s in my future deffinitly, but where I might aquire the dog from will take a lot of consideration, thought, and talking to a lot of people, and making my choice from there.
If you’ve read this far, thank you.
In closing, thank you to guidedogs for still supporting me and taking my questions, my concerns, and thank you to those that took the brunt of my argumentative behavior when I wanted to scream at the injustice of it all. Thank you to both of Cleveland’s puppy raisers, names omitted unless they comment here on this post, for raising such an amazing dog, even if he had to retire early. Your dedication to him is boundless, and I thank you from both of us. To the person that has taken him in in his retirement, thank you for loving cleveland like I loved him in his working life. Once again, thank you, each and everyone of you reading this weather it’s by e-mail, rss, facebook, on twitter, etc. Thank you all for your support.
Talk to you all next time.

an update to: unimpressed, that’s the nicest way this can be put

by Leave a Comment

as posted back on December 2nd, 2012 we talked about a restaurant that is listed on just eat
that is not one I’ll be dealing with anymore.
It’s been awhile, and things have come to light.
I continued working with just eat to bring this resolution to a close, and as of December 3rd, 2012, the following was completed.

  • a complete refund of the order at the expense of the restaurant was issued
  • a confirmation of the punishment served was requested, but as of today, the person we need to get this confirmation from is on vacation.
  • I was told by just eat that a letter normally would be sent to the restaurant, and a fee assessed against the restaurant. We won’t know the extent of this action until the person that is responsible for this is back from vacation

so we’ll see where this goes.
But it’s nice to se even 10 days after the problem, just eat is still committed to their customers, and will follow up with a complete resolution to the matter.
I’ll post more later as we know more.

unimpressed, that's the nicest way this can be put

by Leave a Comment

Please note, this is in no way against just eat, absolutely and utterly not, they’ve been the rock in this whole fiasco and there just as in sensed as we are.
Over the past nearly 2 years I’ve taken a distinct pleasure in being lazy, and just forget cooking on certain nights, and hitting up
just eat
hammering in the postal code for wherever I happen to be, sorry Americans no go for you, picking a restaurant, ordering what I want, paying via credit card or interac online, and in about 45 minutes, voila, food.
Fast forward to tonight.
We’ve got a couple of kids, and 4 adults to feed, so who wants to cook for 5 people on a Saturday, if your answer was absolutely not us? You’d be correct! Tell them what they’ve won, Johnny!
OK, never mind that.
So we hit up just eat, banter around some ideas, finally make a choice, punch in the order, have a small argument with interac online because it liked to throw 500 errors, won the battle, tells us the order’s gonna be there at 20 to eight.
Ok, whatever. sit, spin, who cares.
order delivery time comes and goes. OK, maybe someone got lost. Ring up just eat. They call the restaurant, driver got lost, here, have $10 off your order we’ll be there in 5 minutes.
Five minutes comes and goes, so does ten. so does fifteen. we head for I think it had to be half an hour. Hey, look who’s here, the delivery driver!
I answer the door; this guy barely says two words to us. he hands me the drinks, I hand it to
this person over here
and turn around, and the guy’s already shoving the pizza at me. Instead of handing them to me one at a time, first the medium, then the extra-large, he shoves the extra-large at me, with the medium on top about to fall off.
OK, get them out of the way.
Then the driver wants me to sign the debit receipt. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, sign the debit receipt.
OK, I didn’t know what it was at first, so I ask him what it was I was signing, he never tells me.
I sign it, because at this point, I’m internally like, I want you out of the doorway and off this property.
please note I only find out that it’s the debit receipt I signed during subsequent conversations with just eat.
My first reaction is to call the restaurant and outright beat them over the head with their rude behavior. But take 30 seconds and breathe, then decide, let’s do this the right way, contact just eat.
SO I hit up there live chat system, explain the entire situation, please note I got the same rep I got on the phone, so he goes and rings up the restaurant to find out what in the name of all things squeaky and fuzzy’s going on.
They can’t tell him anything because they want to talk to the driver.
Ok, whatever, I know how this is gonna go down because I’ve been here before when I dealt with delivery places before directly, and I tell the just eat chat rep this straight up. You know they’re gonna deny it, the customers blind, so they’re gonna deny deny deny deny anything was wrong. Also during this chat, I said that I felt $10 off the order wasn’t enough for the now larger issue and that a complete refund was in order.
He says can I call you in 45 minutes. I need to talk to the restaurant about this, etc. Sure, I’ll go eat, you call me.
While you’re eating, I’m gonna put this complaint to my supervisor and account manager that is the head of our company.
Fast forward about an hour, 20 to ten or so.
He rings up, and of course I’m write, again. Restaurant says there wasn’t anything wrong, they weren’t going to issue a refund, he was polite, yada yada, I call complete bull. sorry, 4 adults say you’re in the wrong, now, let’s go.
Ok, I was more polite then that, but believe me, even just eat knows there getting tossed around.
so after that call, I end up finding the e-mail from the rep. Names of employees are removed for privacy reasons.

This restaurant delivered this order almost an hour past the delivery time, the owner said it would be there within about 5 minutes when it was 30 minutes past the delivery time. The customer came into chat about 20-30 minutes afterwards and the order had still not been delivered. The owner told me again it would be there within a few minutes and offered 10 dollars off. The order was for small children and the main customer who the account is under is blind. The delivery driver came with the delivery about an hour past the delivery time and was rude to the customer, asking him to sign the receipt for a debit order which I assume confused the customer and shoving the food into his hands before he could pass it to other people helping carry the food. There were multiple other people there as well including the customers girlfriend who can potentially confirm this. I spoke with the staff and owner there regarding this and they were unwilling to do more, stating that their delivery guy was the nicest one they ever had and there was no way he would act like that. The owner called in later and was combative, threatening to leave Just Eat and asking for my full name and seeing if I had an employee code, saying he’s been in this business forever and knew more. This will need to be resolved fairly quickly as all the parties involved are quite upset.
Thanks,

Let me just say this, if I were just eat, amato’s would be dumped so fast and I’d be refunding the customer in question completely and telling the restaurant that these are the consequences.
I’m not them, so that’s not how it rolls.
I can dream, can’t I?
lol.
Later on, a Just Eat rep calls me back and tells me they talked to more of their staff, and there upset over this issue, and they want to give me another $10 in credit to use against any future order from just eat as a thank you for my patience and an apology they can’t resolve this until Monday.
They send me the $10 credit.
SO as a bit of a thank you I send this.

I’d like to take this opurtunity to thank all involved with this situation for working with myself to bring this to a satisfactory resolution and to hopefully get a full refund of the order in question.
I understand your just an intermediate company, but that’s no reason for this restaurant to treat your company, or your company’s customers like they’ve done tonight.
Amato’s treatment tonight of myself, and the rest in this household, is in no way a reflection of just eat or it’s employees.
Your willingness to keep in constant contact regarding this issue as it heads for a resolution speaks volumes for the level of customer service you want to see from both your own employees, and the restaurants you promote and serve.
If anyone has further questions, I can be reached using the information below my name.
Thank you for your time and attention.

We’ll see how this turns out, and I’ll post another entry when I know more.
Of course, the comments section is always available for you to give your opinion. Were we in the right to be pushing this as far as we are? Or are we all completely off our rockers. Let’s hear your thoughts.
See you next time.

a reminder to the TTC fair collectors.

by Leave a Comment

As a recent resident to Toronto, I’m heavily reliant on the toronto transit commission to get from point A to point B on a daily bases.
Hey, so does, this recent blogger convert to wordpress one over here but that’s just par for the course around here.
Anyhow, I’ve been around the block a time or two with these guys, sometimes my own stupidity, sometimes, they left there brains at track level, hey, sometimes, I don’t start it, but anyhow.
A little background.
previous policy stated that children 5 years of age or younger while being carried on the mother, or father’s, back did not get charged, because hey’, it’s one person, one turn of the turnstyle, takes up one seat, so get outta our faces.
About 3 weeks ago, this policy changed.
No matter what, carried or not, children above 3y/o of age pay $0.75. OK, fine and dandy, right?
yep, Totally fine, until you are a royal rude idiot about it and decide to think your all up and mighty about it and your crap don’t stink.
I decide, because I have a *working* magnetic strip on my TTC pass, to avoid the line, swipe and go through the middle turnstyle, please note I still haven’t mastered that art, but I’ll get there.
Anyhow, as I’m ffighting with my pass, Thanks random TTC worker for showing the clueless person that is me how to use it, I here the other person I’m with, that is carrying the child get stopped by the TTC collector and a… we’ll call it an argument insues, because he tells her she has to pay the fair, and accuses her of ripping off the TTC for seven month’s because he’s watched her, and believe me the tone of his voice, dude, if I hadn’t been clear of the turnstyle, I’d have given him what for. I didn’t have to because the person carrying the child held her own, so we’ll just leave it at that.
I won’t go into detail about the argument that ensued, because I don’t remember exactly how it went, but in summary, here’s what I’ll give you.
You, as a TTC worker have a responsibility to be curtius, but informative to your customers.
This means, after asking how old the child being carried is, if the policy has changed, nicely inform the person carrying said child that the policy has changed and they need to pay the child fair. This does not mean you degrade, or otherwise shame the individual in question.
You are responsible for your actions, and Mr. TTC worker, you are a shame to the organization, and a disgrace to this transit provider’s good name and I hope that you are sent back for retraining, because your actions tonight were deplorable.
A complaint has been filed with the commission about this individuals action with a request for follow up as to the resolution of the matter.
Have a great night all.

you didn't want the public to know that you can't manage your own networks?

by Leave a Comment

As someone that’s been watching the
rogers
vs
crtc
go round and round since october, 2010, it came as no surprise when the following
story
rolled across my desk.

CRTC Slaps Rogers for Throttling Non-P2P Traffic
Posted by Jason Koblovsky on Saturday, January 21, 2012 – 01:38
January 20, 2012 – The Canadian Gamers Organization got word today that the CRTC’s enforcement division has found Rogers to not be non-compliant with CRTC net neutrality policy, and that it’s throttling software and hardware are actively misclassifying a wide range of applications and communication ports. The CRTC has cited evidence obtained and published by Cisco Systems (the hardware and software vendor Rogers uses for throttling), and has threatened a show/cause hearing on this subject if Rogers’ response is insufficient or fails to respond. If it goes to a hearing, the CRTC could file an order with the courts to force Rogers to reimburse affected customers.
In its letter the CRTC stated:
As you know, prior Commission approval is required pursuant to section 36 of the Act, as described at paragraphs 126 and 127 of TRP CRTC 2009-657, for implementing a technical ITMP that results in:
• noticeable degradation to time-sensitive traffic, or
• the slowing of non-time-sensitive traffic to the extent that it amounts to blocking the content and therefore controlling the content and influencing the meaning and purpose of the telecommunication.
Within two weeks, I look forward to you either presenting us with a rebuttal of our evidence or providing us with a plan to come into compliance with the Act. Failure to provide a meaningful rebuttal or an effective plan will result in my recommendation to Commissioners to hold a show-cause hearing. I look forward to your response by 12:00 pm, February 3, 2012.
“This is a historic day in Canadian tech and telecom history. This is a big win for not just Canadian Internet users but also for game developers, who have also been extremely frustrated with the use of throttling. We hope that the evidence uncovered today by the CRTC’s investigations will also help game developers improve online environments. Their product is being hindered by Cisco’s throttling equipment causing problems with connectivity and lag in a lot of gaming environments.” Co-Founder Jason Koblovsky stated.
Co-Founder Teresa Murphy added, “I think we’re all just glad that the CRTC looked further into the issue and essentially agreed with our October 14th response to the Commission where we stated other games and programs were being affected by faulty throttling equipment and software. Jason, myself, and I’m sure many other gamers on Rogers Cable Internet, are all looking forward to the day that this entire fiasco is resolved, as its been a long time coming now. I hope in the future, Rogers will run more extensive testing of their throttling rules before pushing them to all their systems. I also hope that in the future, if a Rogers employee promises to their customers that they’ll have the update reverted because it caused problems with multiple programs (as what happened in October 2010 on the Rogers forum on DSLReports.com – a forum which Rogers employees release official statements on), Rogers will actually follow through on the promise instead of leaving customers blowing in the wind.”

In other words, they got owned, hard.
Because I was curious, I pulled the PDF copy of the letter from
here

Letter Ottawa, 20 January 2012
Our Reference: 545613
BY EMAIL
Mr. Ken Thompson
Director and Counsel Copyright and Broadband Law
Rogers Communications Inc.
333 Bloor Street, East
Toronto, ON M4W 1G9
[email protected]
Dear Mr. Thompson:
Re: File 545613,
Internet Traffic Management Practice (“ITMP”),
Section 36 of the Telecommunications Act, S.C. 1993, c. 38, as amended (“Act”), and Paragraphs 126 and 127 of Telecom Regulatory Policy CRTC 2009-657 (“TRP CRTC 2009-657”)
I am writing with respect to the above noted file that was transferred to the Compliance and Enforcement Sector by the Telecommunications Sector on October 27, 2011.
Compliance and Enforcement Sector staff has been reviewing this file since its referral to our sector. Based on the preliminary results of our ongoing investigation, Commission staff is of the belief that Rogers Communications Inc. (“Rogers”) applies a technical ITMP to unidentified traffic using default peer-to-peer (“P2P”) ports. On the basis of our evidence to date, any traffic from an unidentified time-sensitive application making use of P2P ports will be throttled resulting in noticeable degradation of such traffic. Enclosed please find a summary of our evidence. Full details, if necessary can be obtained by request through my office.
As you know, prior Commission approval is required pursuant to section 36 of the Act, as described at paragraphs 126 and 127 of TRP CRTC 2009-657, for implementing a technical ITMP that results in:
noticeable degradation to time-sensitive traffic, or
the slowing of non-time-sensitive traffic to the extent that it amounts to blocking the content and therefore controlling the content and influencing the meaning and purpose of the telecommunication.
Within two weeks, I look forward to you either presenting us with a rebuttal of our evidence or providing us with a plan to come into compliance with the Act. Failure to provide a meaningful rebuttal or an effective plan will result in my recommendation to Commissioners to hold a show-cause hearing. I look forward to your response by 12:00 pm, February 3, 2012.
Sincerely,
Andrea Rosen
Chief Compliance and Enforcement Officer
Summary of Evidence
File 545613
This attachment summarizes evidence pursuant to the above noted file, which is an ongoing investigation of Rogers Communications Inc.’s (“Rogers”) Internet Traffic Management Practice (“ITMP”) by the Compliance and Enforcement Sector.
The Compliance and Enforcement Sector’s ongoing investigation includes examining a number of key performance indicators (“KPIs”), such as:
TCP resets, TCP syn/acks, connection status
Latency in milliseconds
TCP Window size
Packet loss
Packets per second
Average packet sizes
Retransmission of packets
Dropped connections
Active connections/sessions
Upstream available bandwidth limits
Packet sequence numbers
Other TCP and UDP traffic statistics and analysis.
As Cisco is Rogers’ vendor,1 the Compliance and Enforcement Sector had and continues to have tests conducted against information from the website of Cisco Systems, Inc. (“Cisco”). Preliminary testing results indicate that unidentified traffic using default P2P ports, as identified in the Cisco SCA BB Protocol Reference Guide,2 is throttled. Such results further indicate that:
default P2P ports for TCP traffic are subject to throttling, except port 6969, and
until December 20, 2011, all default P2P ports for UDP traffic were subject to throttling.
Compliance and Enforcement Sector staff also notes Rogers’ disclosure of its network management policy, which indicates that an application may not attain full speed if encrypted and not using a standard port for the application/protocol in question.3 Moreover, while Rogers has stated that misclassification occurs in only a few cases,4 staff notes that Cisco identifies various applications that may have been misclassified.5
——————————————————————————–
1 Rogers letter dated September 27, 2011, at 3.
2 Cisco SCA BB Protocol Reference Guide: [Cisco SCA BB Protocol Reference Guide].
3 Rogers Network Management Policy: [Rogers Network Management Policy].
4 Rogers letter, supra note 1 at 3.
5 Cisco Service Control Application for Broadband Protocol Pack Notes, available online: [Cisco PP Notes].

So I monitored this story to it’s conclusion this February, and we have a
promise
from rogers indicating they’d stop throttling by the end of 2012.

Rogers promises to end internet throttling
Phased-in approach will begin next month, with all customers included by end of year
Prithi Yelaja CBC News Posted: Feb 3, 2012 3:33 PM ET Last Updated: Feb 3, 2012 6:55 PM ET
Rogers has decided to end internet throttling by the end of this year in response to a CRTC probe.
net throttling?Rogers has promised to stop “throttling” internet traffic on its network by the end of this year, in response to an investigation by the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission.
In a letter to the CRTC Friday, Rogers stated it would stop all traffic shaping including bandwidth throttling — limiting a user’s upload or download speeds — through a phased-in approach that is to begin next month.
“New technologies and ongoing investments in network capacity will allow Rogers to begin phasing out that policy starting in March 2012,” wrote Kenneth Engelhart, senior vice-president of regulatory affairs.
“These changes will be introduced to half of Rogers existing internet customers by June 2012 and to its remaining customers by December 2012.”
The move follows a similar decision by Bell to cease throttling on its network starting March 1.
Internet traffic management
Internet traffic management refers to techniques used by network managers to slow down some types of traffic in favour of others. In particular, some internet service providers say they slow down applications that use large amounts of bandwidth, but don’t dramatically affect the user’s ability to use the application when they are slowed down, such as peer-to-peer file sharing.
They say that allows them to guarantee higher speeds and better quality of service for time-sensitive applications such as video streaming that don’t work properly when they are slowed down. However, problems can arise if the technology used to distinguish different types of applications mistakenly classifies time-sensitive traffic as peer-to-peer.
“This is a huge step for internet openness in Canada, and [comes] after a long uphill battle with big telecom,” said Steve Anderson of OpenMedia.ca, a grassroots advocacy group that has protested usage-based billing and is credited with preventing bills allowing electronic surveillance from being tied into the government’s omnibus crime bill.
“Within months of one another Bell and Rogers have announced that they will stop throttling the internet and limiting online choice. This has been a long time coming — more and more Canadians are up in arms about threats to internet openness, and it’s about time that big telecom bends to the public interest.”
OpenMedia.ca pushed for and won Internet openness rules in 2009, but has since been pushing for enforcement of those rules, said Anderson.
“The consumer complaints process is the sole mechanism in place and Rogers’ response to the CRTC represents a potential first step in changing this broken system,” he said.
However, Jason Koblovsky, founder of the Canadian Gamers Organization had some concerns about Rogers’ intention to end throttling.
“Rogers failed to provide the CRTC with technical data as to which games and applications they have tested themselves. Without the technical data from their tests on online games, [we] worry that Rogers’ response may be an attempt to mislead the CRTC and the public. We continue to call on Rogers to make these numbers public,” Koblovsky said.
Last month, the CRTC notified Rogers it was violating federal net neutrality rules by deliberately slowing or throttling time-sensitive internet traffic, specifically online games.
The CRTC based its findings on the results of an investigation in collaboration with Cisco Systems, the hardware and software vendor that Rogers uses.
The probe was launched last year after a complaint by the Canadian Gamers Organization that accused Rogers of hindering online games, such as World of Warcraft and Call of Duty: Black Ops, in violation of the federal regulator’s guidelines.
The Telecommunications Act and CRTC regulations allow throttling of peer-to-peer file sharing programs like BitTorrent, but not of time-sensitive internet traffic like video chatting or gaming.
Rogers had until Friday to either rebut the evidence gathered by the probe or provide the CRTC with a plan to comply with the act — or face a hearing on the matter.
As part of its rebuttal, Rogers said it would cease all traffic shaping by the end of 2012.
The company successfully dealt with the issue of throttling last March, and the CRTC’s “tests were of an issue that had nothing to do with gaming,” Engelhart told CBC News in a phone interview Friday.
“We’re pretty confident we solved those problems last year,” he said.
However, “out of an abundance of caution we have toggled the equipment so it does not slow down unclassified traffic on peer-to-peer file sharing ports.”

What’s this tell me about the major cable provider?
They can’t manage their network to save their lives, they’re looking for ways out and not providing all the data, because they want to Hhide.
As this year progresses, we’ll soon see what changes are committed to the network over the year.
Happy commenting.

their's something to be gleaned from this post.

by Leave a Comment

You learn interesting things from blogs. wesput an entry out on histwitterthat pointed tothis entry about anal sexand being a curious individual, I headed back to the blog’shome pageand was scrolling through entries, and ran acrossthis entry about infidelityand was impressed about what I read. I’m going to quote the entry in it’s entirety because I feel a few x gf’s of mine that read this blog can bennifit from this entries wisdom and it might help them in the future.

Can you overcome infidelity?
I had a question about this from a reader today and I have to say that I’m not a therapist or a marriage counselor..they would still be your first resource. However, I will give you my thoughts about this.
I think the the old adage of “once a cheater, always a cheater” isn’t true. I do believe that we are capable of monogamy. I also believe that women and men cheat about the same, although the stereotype is that men are always the ones committing the infidelities. I think that women cheating is on the rise, because women are out in the job market more than they have ever been. They are now encountering more men and interacting with other males in higher numbers…this has lead to an increase in women cheating. So, no longer can we point the finger at the men only!
I believe that almost every long term relationship will encounter infidelity at some point. The degree of infidelity may vary…maybe its a blow job…or a kiss..or sexting or full on sex. Maybe its emotional infidelity. We have reached a technological age that our grandparents didn’t have available, so the thought of a modern day marriage lasting 50 years without either partner cheating in some way seems almost inconceivable. However, do I think it has to be the kiss of death to the marriage? NO…
I think if your partner has cheated, be it the man or woman, the first thing to do is look at how you found out. Did they confess it to you, out of remorse and guilt? Did you catch them fucking in your bed? Was it a drunken night out that got out of hand, or was it serial infidelity that has been going on long term and repeatedly? The answer to those questions will clue you in on if your relationship can survive the infidelity or not. If your partner confesses to you, then I’d say there is hope for your relationship. If you catch them fucking in your bed, probably not. If its a one time incident where things got out of hand and alcohol was involved, again there may be hope. If they are a serial cheater and you’ve caught them numerous times..then its probably time to cut your losses.
I’m going to use the man as the cheater in my post, because the reader today was asking me about her husband..however, the advice applies to both sexes and I don’t want to imply that this article is to bash men.
So, lets look at the scenario where I think your marriage could survive and maybe even come out stronger in the long run. Say your partner has cheated…they confess the infidelity to you and tell you what happened. Okay, that is good that they are remorseful, it shows that they are aware their actions have dire consequences. The fact that they are willing to discuss with you how it happened, again shows that they are seeking your forgiveness. I think these all show that your partner made a huge mistake and is truly sorry for it. The one thing you need to do is get to the bottom of why it happened. This may mean you will hear things that you don’t want to hear…because cheating is almost never just about sex. Its about a lack of connection, communication, love, or affection…its about not feeling heard or appreciated…usually the last thing its about is gettin’ some strange cock or pussy.
Once you find out what the root of the problem is, then you can address how to fix that…in addition to the broken trust. Trust is such a hard thing to get back once its broken. Don’t expect to confess to your partner and then get pissed the next week when she grills you about where you’re going and when you’ll be back…trust has to be earned back once its broken and you have to realize that it will take time. That being said you also have to look into yourself and see if you can truly forgive. By forgiving, I mean letting go of the image of your partner with another person…letting go of your anger and resentment…of not throwing it up in their face at every fight. Forgiveness is truly more important for YOU than your partner, because holding onto those feelings will only bring stress and negativity into YOUR life. If you think you can reach that point where you have forgiven your partner then of course, move in the direction of healing your relationship. However, if you don’t think you can ever forgive them or see them the same way…then it may be time to realize that you can’t stay in an unhealthy relationship, and if your relationship continues under those conditions it WILL be unhealthy for both of you.
I think that there is a place for marriage counselors and therapists and if you want to truly mend your relationship then look into seeing someone that can be a neutral 3rd party to help you work out why it happened and help you release your feelings of anger and hurt in a productive way. I know that we all have a knee jerk reaction to someone cheating on us…its anger, hurt, jealousy and fear. You fear that you are going to lose your partner, that life will change forever…that is a big fear. It may or may not come true, but you can’t live your life based on fear. Fear freezes you in place…and if you are going to move beyond an infidelity and become a better couple then you have to take steps away from fear and towards healing.
One of the hardest things to overcome in a relationship…in my opinion…is a lack of respect. If your partner has no respect for you then they won’t care about hurting your feelings. They won’t care about your embarrassment or anger. They will feel that they can do as they wish and you’ll do nothing about it because they have the “upper hand” in the relationship. A lack of respect is worse than a lack of trust in my eyes. Trust can be rebuilt over time, someone that doesn’t respect you will probably never respect you. So, look at a partner that has cheated multiple times…why don’t they just leave you? If they want to behave like they are single then what is keeping them from being single? If you look at that you may see that you are being USED. You are being used to watch the children, or bring home a paycheck. You are being used and they could care less about anything but you serving their purpose.
This is a relationship that you should really consider if you wouldn’t be better off on your own than in a toxic and hurtful relationship. Again, don’t let fear freeze you in place…move forward toward what you deserve, a loving and committed relationship, but first you need to let go of the one holding you back. So, although it doesn’t seem like it…sometimes infidelity is a good thing, because it opens our eyes to what we try to not see. It is a catalyst that causes us to act when nothing else would.
I think that affairs/infidelity/cheating hurts. It hurts your true partner, it hurts the person you’re cheating with, it hurts your integrity and values. I think there is no good that comes from cheating and if you are ever on that edge, instead of stepping off, turn around and go back. Go to your partner and talk to them truthfully about what you need and what. Talk to them about what you’re missing in your relationship. Try to make the relationship you are in the one you want. Its easier to fix it now than it is after you’ve cheated. So, take a deep breath and realize temptation is all around us, but we don’t have to give in to it. We can rise above..we can stand our ground and realize that you can choose to make a good decision or a bad one. The consequences of that decision will reverberate through your life…so stop…STOP and really think if its worth it.
I want nothing more for any of my readers than to have wonderful, loving and happy relationships. I want you to get what you need, want and deserve from your partner. But, I know that life is rarely perfect and the road is never smooth that we travel. However, you can look within and see the person you want to be, and the relationship you want to have and strive towards it. It is within your reach, you just have to be willing to put in the work, the time, the communication and commitment to make it all you deserve.

That’s my wisdom for the night. later, all.

Read between the lines.

by Leave a Comment

I wonder how this local community college treats its students? Come January, methinks we’re gonna find out.
4.5 hours, 2 screams, a walk in the rain and a caffeinated beverage later, I’m still seeing red. And yes I did actually go outside for a couple of screams. I think I need about 8 more by the time the red blur wears off my vision. Mom cooked a dinner she knew I’d eat, I only ate half a bowl if that.
I really hope these people realize eventually what they’re doing to my head. But oh…wait… I’m sorry… I mistook them for a second for people who actually care. I forgot they’re all droids that are preprogrammed. As long as it looks like the droids are working correctly, noone actually cares about the living, breathing people involved. And when those people have had to start medication and start seeking counseling, it doesn’t matter to them. It doesn’t matter at all because what they’ve done looks ok on paper and as long as they can go home and say they’ve put in a successful day of work, it doesn’t matter who they inconvenience.
It doesn’t matter that between now and the end of the semester, my family now has to shell out upwards of $1200 in gas. It doesn’t matter that in the winter, when we’ve got 2 feet of snow on the ground, but that campus is nice and clear, that I won’t be able to get to class because driving conditions are hazardous and nobody in my family should have to get in a car accident in order for me to get to class.
Yet, I still have no answers. Nobody can tell me how I fell through the cracks last year and why I lived in the filth I lived in. Nobody wants to take responsibility for that. Nobody can tell me why is it a girl got away with disrespecting my family the way she did. Noone can tell me why it was that people avoided me all semester last year because my clothes stank of mold no matter how many times I washed them. Nobody can tell me why the furniture safety violations I complained about weren’t looked into. Nobody can tell me why I sat there all of February with my window open praying for a breath of air that wasn’t contaminated. Best yet, noone wants to explain how and why the bacteria culture that was that room got so bad I actually got a UTI from it.
Yet, I’m the bad person here. Well, you know what? I’m tired of being the bad person. Fornicate this taurean dung, I capitulate!

the demise of qwitter: put into perspective by a well spoken blind individual.

by 4 Comments

Hello all;
All of you may have heard about the demise of the
qwitter
project developed and maintained by
christopher
If not. I’ll simply quote the
qwitter_hg
twitter accounts last post.

Qwitter Mercurial: Q: Closing up shop, it’s been fun.: 13 hours ago 9/19/2011 11:08:07 AM Qwitter Client

after reading that, I got curious and poked around Q’s timeline and the thoughts that ran through my head were mixed.
I was composing in my head a response I was going to put up here, outlining my thoughts and views, but
JonathanMosen
did a much better job of it then I could ever do. So I’ll simply quote his ressitation who’s original can be found
over here.

Billy Joel once said, “I once believed in causes too, and had my pointless point of view, but life when on no matter who was wrong or right”. I was mindful of this as I saw the considerable volume of tweets exchanged over the apparent halt to development of the Qwitter client, the Twitter client for Windows designed specifically for blind people. I say apparent, because this is in my recollection the third time such a threat has been made, so I suppose only time will tell if this one is real or not. Initially, I felt compelled to comment, then I decided there was no point, and now finally, I’ve felt moved to write an extended post about this subject because I think the conduct of a number of people in the latest Twitter drama represents a pattern that is all too typical in the on-line blind community.
Although I have been using Twitter since 2007, I actually was a late adopter of the Qwitter client, beginning to use it in around November of 2009. My reason for this was because I felt uncomfortable with the aggressive online behaviour of its lead developer. A friend of mine convinced me that it was appropriate to separate the behaviour of the developer from the quality of the application, and there’s absolutely no doubt that the software is first class. It is a feature-rich, efficient means of interacting with Twitter. Without Qwitter, I am sure much fewer blind people would be using Twitter so regularly. The award given to Chris by ACB this year recognises all of this, and that recognition is richly deserved.
I have, however, remained very disappointed by the extraordinary rudeness, even contempt, that Chris has shown to many users who have made suggestions or come to him for advice. I am mindful that I am making these comments with around 20 more years on the planet than him, and in this case I think that does make a difference. I hope that if Chris is unfortunate enough to be able to review some of his tweets in 20 years time, he will do so with genuine regret. What makes our world so diverse and interesting, is that we all have different strengths and weaknesses. Some people can write code, others conceptualise great user interfaces, others struggle with very basic computer concepts that just come naturally to some. Abrupt, rude, confrontational replies, many of which give the impression that the program’s author is somehow superior to or better than his fellow blind people are hardly going to remain unremarked upon.
Developing software is of course a very different skill from supporting it. Chris is obviously superb at the former. With a bit more good will towards people, I’m very confident the Qwitter Support account could have had a large number of volunteers, and Chris could have politely directed users to that account. We can wish that users would RTFM all we want, some simply will not, it is the reality of software development, and nothing is going to change that. Nor does the fact that the software is free make it any more acceptable to treat end users with rudeness.
Chris is, of course, absolutely right that there is a high proportion of blind Twitter users who are unemployed, may have difficulty getting out and about due to financial or transportation issues, and who therefore have plenty of time to generate Twitter drama. We do have a very high unemployment rate. Just as with sighted people, there are those who have never tried to find a job, those who in the current climate have become demoralised and have given up, those who spend hours every day looking for that big break. We seldom know each other’s stories, and it is sad when we choose to make very personal, sweeping assumptions. We do tend to sew what we reap. If we dish out confrontation on Twitter, chances are very high that confrontation will come right back at us. And it has been rather like watching a school bully crying when one little kid finally plucks up the courage to hit back, to see the lead Qwitter developer complaining when some of the hurt he has caused others comes back to him.
Does that make the behaviour of those who’ve responded in that way right or justified? Of course not. The best response to confrontation is often no response at all. Various Twitter characters in the blind community who’ve come and gone, have thrived on the fact that they know which buttons to push to get a reaction. Stop responding to them, and they’d have become bored and gone away long ago.
Then there is of course what we in New Zealand call the tall poppy syndrome. There is no doubt that Chris has considerable talent. In the blind community, we are good at building people up, to tear them down. Confrontational behaviour notwithstanding, there are some people who have sought to make his life a misery, almost as if they resent what he has been able to achieve. More than that, they are jealous of it.
Developing an app such as Qwitter obviously involves a very significant commitment of time. It has not completely been a labour of love, however. I haven’t taken the time to go back and do the sums, but I know I’ve personally donated at least US$100 to Qwitter, and that many others have donated what they can. I don’t regret doing so for a moment, nor do I expect that donations have created any kind of contract, expressed or implied, that Qwitter’s development would continue indefinitely. I raise this to simply point out that while a few users may have been vexatious, some provoked, some not, the project hasn’t been totally without its financial compensation.
Whether a piece of software is commercial or not, there is no guarantee that its development will continue forever. There are many examples of software used by a large number of people where development has simply stopped. Microsoft Money is a case in point. The issue I have is the point in the development cycle at which Qwitter development is apparently ceasing. It is in beta right now. Because it is beta software, there are problems, as one would expect. Does Chris have a legal obligation of any kind to tidy up the critical bugs? Of course not. He can walk away whenever he likes, and apparently has. The question is one of moral obligation, and of his personal brand. Would I be as willing to support any future project, commercial or otherwise, by a developer who leaves a user base in the lurch like this? No, I’d think twice, because I don’t believe that this is an ethical way to treat people. Anything we do online impacts on our personal brand. If we’re abusive, people make a mental note of that. If we walk away because a few people, again some provoked, some not, have been abusive, even though the majority of us have been supportive with our praise and with our wallets, then that leaves a sour taste and a reputation that is hard to recover.
Whether you volunteer or not should not make a difference to one’s conduct. I’ve volunteered over many years for a range of positions, including leading New Zealand’s blindness consumer organisation which would be the equivalent of NFB and ACB, serving on various committees, and of course managing Internet radio projects like Mushroom FM. In all of those cases, the work involved has been considerable. It’s involved a huge investment of time and effort. And there are times when circumstances require you to walk away. But if you have to do that, you should do so by tidying up as many of the loose ends as you possibly can.
I don’t begrudge for one second the fact that Chris may have concluded that he has better things to do with his life, that it’s just not rewarding anymore. If you are copping a lot of abuse, especially when you’re younger, it’s hard to shrug that off, and easy to say, why on earth am I bothering. My only issue is that I hope he will recognise how his own conduct as contributed in part to some of the grief that has come his way, and that to protect his reputation, he at least get Qwitter 5 to a production release and make it clear that that’s the end of the project. If he does not, then I fear the bad taste the half finished Qwitter project has left in so many mouths will continue to haunt him. That would be a pity when he is clearly such a gifted young man.
As for the rest of us, maybe there’s a good number of us who might like to think twice before joining in the flame war. Most of us in the blind community are online in such a way that our interactions are filtered to us through a mechanical sounding speech synthesiser. It is easy for us to forget that the tweet we send in a quick burst of anger or sarcasm may be the one that tips a real human being with feelings over the edge. We don’t know what else is going on in their lives, how they may be feeling. If we showed a little more on-line empathy, just empathy in general really, imagine how much of a peaceful place the online world would be.
I urge Chris to reconsider wrapping up the project in this stage in the cycle, but regardless, thank him sincerely for a very significant contribution to bringing blind people around the world closer together, and assisting us to interact with equal efficiency with our sighted peers.

A few final thoughts.
Is qwitter the only accessible client on windows?
No, it’s not.
Their are others like
TWInbox
that can do the basics.
Yes, not as feature rich, but qwitter’s development cycle ending isn’t the end all of twitter for the blind community.
Would I, like Jonathan, think twice about supporting another project, weather free or paid put out by this individual if he doesn’t at least take qwitter 5.0 to a stable release before shutting down?
Yes, I honestly would reconsider ever supporting future projects developed by him because of the way he handled qwitter and it’s closure.
I understand open source, but leaving those in the blind community with extremely buggy code because your being a nazi and don’t want to at least head for a final release before giving up is insane, and rediculous.
What are others thoughts and views.
I’d love to here what you have to say on this, spoken in a constructive, adult manner.
No childish bashing.
Constructive critisisms and pieceful debate are the name of the game.
See you on the comment boards.

Alcohol, now. give.

by Leave a Comment

1. Clearly, now, I have a choice between purchasing $995.00 software with my looks, or paying someone to scan and convert proprietary file formats for me because I can’t be diplomatic and the next best thing to diplomacy is keeping your damn mouth shut. Also, clearly, the latter, i.e., paying someone to scan, is gonna cost um… that thing called money. which I don’t have.
2. Also, eye doctors, when I ask you to fix something the answer is not take it apart, and then confuse me for half an hour. Also on a random sidenote, you better have someone with good fashion sense helping me pick frames for my new pair of eyes next Thursday or I’ll scream.
3. Stalking me is not how this rolls, has rolled, or will continue to roll. I asked it to stop. It didn’t. The appropriate authorities are being notified shortly after this posts, and it *will*, be dealt with. I’m not calling anyone out specifically, but when I’ve almost gone to the hospital 3 times, because of you people over there, and you know who you are, there’s a problem.
4. That long and actually civil conversation I had with my mother about alternative roads, let me just say that putting a plan together for January is looking better and better. I get that there are a few people out there who wanna put me in the hospital, but this’s gotta stop.
I don’t wanna walk around certain areas and not know if I’m being followed or watched. I don’t wanna have to feel like somebody’s shadowing me constantly, even if they aren’t doing it physically, well, how the hell would I know? I feel like I’m being stalked. I feel unsafe. I want it ended.

A small vocabulary lesson and a reminder that took me nearly 3 days to write.

by Leave a Comment

I just got back from an awesome dinner and a wicked good time with friends to be told by the admin team that certain *organizations* believe I’m *required* to accept their twitter follow *request*. Sidenote: Twitter? what’s that? it no longer exists on my radar. Try having to change your entire social media identity because people won’t leave you alone and are inciting ideations they shouldn’t. Oh yeah. It’s fun.
Because it’s in my favorites, and because I don’t feel like mincing words this evening, our source this fine Sunday evening is our good buddy Dictionary.com
First, for your convenience, I introduce you to the definition of a requirement.
noun
1. that which is required;
a thing demanded or obligatory:
One of the requirements of the job is accuracy.
This means that if a job requires something, you are obligated to do it. If the law requires something, you must do it. If the law requires you not to do something, well, then, you must not do it. In other words, the guy who nearly mugged us in Harvard Square would have been violating the law had he done so. (he did decide mugging ass-kicking looking blind chick with cane pointed near his face while resting the shaft on her shoulder was a retarded idea and went away, but that’s neither here nor there).
Now, back to the chalkboard, children. Let’s define request.
noun
1. the act of asking for something to be given or done, especially as a favor or courtesy; solicitation or petition:
At his request, they left.
If you request someone to do something, they are not *required*, to do it. You are asking for a favor. A favor is something someone can deny you. if you asked me to borrow $100, I can and will tell you no. If the writer of this post asks the admin team to post it because her computer’s being a dweeb, they can say no, or we’ll do it later, or give us a minute, or something similar. Further, I just got told off for tagging something wrong a couple hours ago. If the admins decide I screwed up, they have a choice to request, or require, I fix it. Or if they decide my reasoning made sense in my head and only my head at the time, to hop off it.
If you send me a follow *request*, via social media, I am *not*, *legally*, *required*, to accept that request. there is a deny button for a reason. There is a blocking feature for a reason. There are safeguards to protect people from stalking via social media for a reason. (I should know, I’ve been beating on them like they owe me money this weekend). Whining in blog comments will not force me to follow you. Here’s why. 1. Because (and I’m saying it again just in case someone reading this has a reading comprehension issue), I ditched that particular social media method. 2. Because I am not LEGALLY obligated or required to follow anyone. As previously stated, a request is just that, a request. A favor. Our friend Rachel didn’t have to buy either the co-author or the admin ice cream this evening, but she did us a favor, because the place we were going doesn’t accept credit/debit cards. The co-author in question actually put up a fight about it and was told to shut her face and accept the favor. (Chocolate was involved, and she was jonesing as usual, so she did eventually shut the hell up and deal).
This being said, I am not required to dig up another twitter account just so certain people can stalk it. Thank you, good evening. You were asked by the admins to back off me, now you’re being told. Please, do it. I don’t really want to end up in the hospital due to a nervous breakdown, nor do I wish to be homeless and left out on the street to be raped, drugged, and possibly murdered. I don’t really wanna be the victim of the next crime you see on these guys’ blog over here And by the way, for the love of all that may or may not be holy, don’t click that link if you’re wimpy, because I’ll be nice and tell you there’s some stuff on there that sensitive eyeballs just shouldn’t look at. I almost puked over one article, and I haven’t puked since before we got my hormonal issues straightened out in October 2009. I am not a punk with a weak stomach. If things on that site can nearly make me heave, you’ll probably run away crying.
Please, kindly, cease and desist. I’ve been being harassed by individuals and possibly members of an organization all weekend long, and it needs to stop immediately, for it is ruining my mental faculties. This is both a warning and a plea. The administration team doesn’t take lightly to anyone involved with the blog or website being harassed, nor would they take kindly to the people in question ending their lives. I think that might be a major problem for the owner of this blog. Don’t be responsible for the end of a life.