I'm alive

Alive, yes. Sane, uh…Not really. Brain’s still trying to do wonderful things. This morning I lost a chunk of time and forgot where the hell I was and thank Christ I wasn’t on a train when it happened. Then, to boot, I almost passed out in stats class. The almost passin’ out was sorta kinda my fault though as I wasn’t being very nice to my body, I admit. I hadn’t eaten anything between the hours of 3 PM yesterday and…we’ll call it… 5:15 pm tonight. Part of that was because I was still unamused/unhappy/panicky, part of it was a genuine lack of time and lack of wanting my shit to disappear off the university campus if I left it hiding somewhere and walked away. Just my luck, my shit would pull a shane’s shit in late January and pull a disappearing act if I left it somewhere. And it wouldn’t just be my tech, it would’ve been my clothes and shower thingies and the rest. So yes I forfeited lunch to watch my stuff.
Yeah that would’ve been a great call to make, “Uh, yeah, I’m on campus, my shit’s missing.”
Hey, at least I came home and my mother didn’t threaten to institutionalize me or something. I was waitin’ for that when I made the call to my cousin who works across the street from the college, “Yo, come get me.”
Totaly expected her to walk in the door and clock out on the nearest flip-a-shit-ometer. I expected to be stuffed in the local psych unit strapped down and hooked to an IV by now, no lie. Everyone remained calm, no flip-a-shit-ometers were overclocked or broken in the process, my cousin had an escape plan for me if it got to the point where I needed out right the fuck now. He told me straight. “if you need to get out of there, you text me. I’ve seen what your mother can do to your brain, it’s not good. You look like you’ve already had several brain meltdowns today.”
My dad didn’t flip out, but it was my mother’s reaction that ok, shocked the shit outa me. My mother hugged me and actually cried. Standard-issue wiseass me probably would’ve said something along the lines of, “Who are you and what’d you do with MotherZilla?”
Nobody flipped a shit, probably because they were warned that I’d flipped several recently and probably would’ve volluntarily committed myself if anyone else, including me, flipped their shit again. Shit’s still up in the air, I’m trying not to panic anymore because then I really will have to be hospitalized, and I’d really, really rather not, thank you. I mean, I get it that Murphy hates me, but this shit’s gotta stop somewhere, seriously. I shouldn’t wake up in the morning and immediately start thinking I don’t deserve to breathe. On that note, I know it’s before 9 PM, but methinks it’s time to punk out and go curl up with my kid. Unless she’s still mad at me for hanging out with my friend’s dog, well, then, don’t know what to tell her. 😛

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